Q. My daughter and her husband just announced they are expecting a baby! My husband and I are over the moon about becoming grandparents for the first time. We know a lot has changed since we had our children. Any advice for new grandparents?
A. Congratulations! You and your family are about to embark on a wonderful new chapter. My husband and I were recently in your shoes ourselves. We welcomed our first grandchild, baby Jack, this summer. When it comes to raising children, it does seem like attitudes are constantly changing, so you’re smart to stop and think about what’s new in grandparenting before he or she arrives. Here’s some advice that’s stood out to me.
Let the parents take the lead – It can be tempting to make suggestions based on your parenting experience, but even well-meaning advice can come across as criticism. Your daughter and her husband may do things differently – and that’s OK.
Be willing to learn – You don’t need to know everything that’s changed in parenting, you just need to know what’s important to the parents-to-be, so you can support them in the best ways possible.
Offer practical help – No matter how long it’s been, we can all remember how overwhelming those first days of parenting can be. Offer to help the new parents in practical ways, like cooking a meal, running errands, or helping with baby care. Ask what they would find helpful and follow through.
Be patient – If your daughter doesn’t want to take you up on your offer of help right away, that’s okay. Don’t take offense if she wants a little space to figure things out on her own. When the new parents ask, that’s your opportunity to share what you’ve learned.
Think before sharing online – It can be so tempting to share photos of that cute baby! But your daughter and her husband may want to limit their child’s online exposure, so check with them before sharing photos or information about your grandchild on social media.
Find a balance – It’s okay to set some boundaries for yourself. If you need a break for personal commitments or to rest, let your daughter know when you can help, and when you can’t. Being a good grandparent doesn’t mean being available every minute.
Welcoming a new baby into the family is an adjustment for everyone, but don’t spend so much time worrying about what to do that you forget to enjoy it! Wishing you and your family all the best in this new chapter.
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org.
Joan Hatem-Roy is the chief executive officer of AgeSpan, which serves the following cities and towns: Amesbury, Andover, Billerica, Boxford, Chelmsford, Danvers, Dracut, Dunstable, Georgetown, Groveland, Haverhill, Lawrence, Lowell, Marblehead, Merrimac, Methuen, Middleton, Newbury, Newburyport, North Andover, Peabody, Rowley, Salisbury, Salem, Tewksbury, Tyngsboro, Westford, and West Newbury.