This column may not be easy to digest. You will want to push your breakfast aside or wait until your food settles before reading any further.
Or you may not want to read it at all.
You have been warned.
This will get gross but it will not be as gross as watching an increasing number of TV shows, streaming series and movies.
There’s no way of getting around it. The subject is blunt and abrupt.
Vomit. Puke. Up-chuck. Regurgitation. Throwing up. Wretching. Spew. Etc.
Specifically, the sudden increase of characters throwing up as part of the entertainment industry.
In the past, suddenly sick characters would grab their mouths with that shocked, ill, wide-eyed look and run off screen to be sick.
Or the suddenly ill character would turn from the camera and viewers would see the bent ratcheting of shoulders and back, hear the familiar throat sounds followed by a splat.
Or the character was unseen off camera but viewers were treated to the familiar sounds being offered to the porcelain gods.
Hey, you were warned at the start of this column. It will be gross.
But at least I provided a warning.
In the past several months, I’ve lost track of how many characters have been shown visibly being ill on the screen.
No warning. Pow.
There it is.
Full frontal illness.
Up close and personal.
Over and over and over again. All sorts of shows. All sorts of movies. All sorts of graphic closeups and variations of the, um, well, form.
Don’t they know I’m eating BBQ Pringles, or popcorn, or Reese’s Pieces, or pie, or pizza, or any number of things I eat while watching a movie or TV?
Mmmm, good show. Mmmm, good food. … Yuck, that character just got sick and I’m chewing a pineapple pizza.
Told you this would be gross.
Vomit scenes have been a part of movies for decades: “The Exorcist,” it’s spooky and gross. Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life,” it’s funny and gross.
But lately, it seems, there’s hardly a safe place to put your shoes, your eyes or your pizza rolls, because every show seems to make a point of making one character sick.
It seems special effects teams have perfected the craft of on-camera illness and directors are trying to outdo one another.
If that’s the case, they are doing a great job. If such a thing can be described as a great job.
With awards season back in full swing, perhaps it’s time to create awards for these endeavors.
I can see Tom Hanks now, envelope in hand, looking a little green around the gills after having watched the nominee film reels, announcing, “… And now the Oscar for achievement in the Best Vomit in a Major Motion Picture goes to …”
Then Tom Hanks would get sick on live TV, just as I put a pizza roll in my mouth.
Yuck.
Dean Poling is an editor with The Valdosta Daily Times and editor of The Tifton Gazette.