When I was a kid, I thought bird watching with my grandmother was the most boring activity ever. But now, I’m 68 and retired, and I like watching hummingbirds, woodpeckers, cardinals and blue jays at my feeders.
Now that I’m spending more of my time caring for my elderly parents, I realize that slowly, but surely, I’m becoming my parents.
The idea for this column started when I was measuring out exactly one-fourth cup of prune juice (for regularity, of course) when I noticed my reflection in the kitchen window. I was wearing a sweater. Not in a cool, trendy way, but in a my-mother-wore-thiswhile-watching-watching “Murder, She Wrote” way.
This couldn’t be happening, I thought. I’m too young. Too vibrant.
As I started to review my life, I realized there have been other clues to this situation that I’ve previously ignored.
Take a look:
1. Massive font size on my phone. Hubby teases me because I use the largest font possible on my phone. Unfortunately, I’ve inherited macular degeneration from the maternal side of my family. So, when I help mom “see” I always say, “It’s the blind leading the blind.”
2. My old people’s “slip-in” shoes. Why bend over and get all dizzy and out of breath when you can buy these nifty sneakers featuring a heel that doesn’t flatten out when you slip them on?
3. I get up early, do errands early and go to bed early. My grandfather always went to bed at 9 p.m. and got up at 6 a.m. and I thought he was crazy. Now? The early bird gets the worm!
4. Double-space after periods. My younger coworkers never got it, and I had to remind them that I learned to type on a typewriter. They looked at me like I rode dinosaurs to work.
5. My conversations include references to TV shows, movies and songs of long ago. I grew up watching The Andy Griffith Show, Bewitched, and The Beverly Hillbillies. I saw my first movie — “Mary Poppins” — at Shea’s Theater in Ashtabula. Songs of the 50s, 60s and 70s are forever ingrained in my mind. It should be no surprise that I frequently make references to these things.
6. I’m more sentimental. I cried tears of joy when my niece recently announced she is having twins. I cried watching Delightful Granddaughter graduate from Kent State University at Ashtabula. I cry tears of sadness at movies, TV shows and sometimes even the nightly news.
7. I drive like a little old lady (and not the one from Pasadena). I can’t see well enough to drive at night. I obey the speed limit. I have trouble navigating roundabouts. I don’t always listen to the GPS. If I’m lost, I make a U-turn. Last winter, when I misjudged a left-turn lane, hit the median and popped two tires, Dear Daughter jokingly threatened to take away my car keys. “Not without a fight!” I said.
8. The sounds that escape my body when I get up after sitting for a long time. The groans, the grunts and popping sounds. I can’t get up without sound effects. Thankfully, the majority of the time I don’t experience escaping gas. (And if I do, I blame it on Hubby or the dog.)
9. I never leave the house without going over my checklist: Keys, purse, phone, drink.
10. Cursive writing. It makes me angry every time I think about how Delightful Granddaughter was never taught cursive handwriting. I remember spending hours perfecting my cursive writing on those green, lined, writing tablets. I had to teach my granddaughter to write her name in cursive. Crazy!
11. I knew I was old when I began regularly checking my bathrooms to be sure there was an ample supply of toilet paper. One can never have enough toilet paper after the COVID-19 run on toilet paper.
12. Also, realizing that I will be 70 in less than two years. Seems as though I was only 47 when I went to sleep last night. Now my oldest child is 47! Yikes! Still, it beats the alternative.
I hope all my faithful readers have a great week and don’t forget to check the obituaries to make sure your name isn’t listed. I always do!