I went to get my haircut a few days ago when the salon was very quiet — a great opportunity to have a good conversation with the young woman who cuts my hair. We talked about what we had done for Easter, just a few days before. I said that I noticed that more people were coming to church then usual, and that my colleagues were reporting increased attendance in liberal and conservative churches and parishes, mosques, synagogues, temples, sanghas, and pagan circles. The new people arriving weren’t asking so much about beliefs or rituals. Instead, the buzz was about morals. People are wondering what makes an ethical person and how to raise their children to be moral adults.
I asked the hairdresser, a young mother, if she was hearing the same things. She said yes. We both agreed that more public figures seemed to be openly doing things that we were taught as children were morally wrong. I asked what she taught her children. Thoughtfully, she responded that she guessed it was summed up by the Golden Rule: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” I had been thinking along the lines of “Thou shalt not lie,” but agreed that the Golden Rule included that and so much more. Yes, I would rather my grandchildren follow the Golden Rule then imitate the worst of our leaders.
As the young woman blowdried my hair, her words sparked a memory. I told her about the youth group in the church I served who told me that the Golden Rule was not enough. I was skeptical, but they convinced me that what they called the Platinum Rule was even better. The Platinum Rule was simple: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.”
The hairdresser was done with my haircut; it was dry and ready for me to walk home in the raw weather. She had thought a minute about the Platinum Rule and said she liked it because it required people to talk to each other. I agreed. We have morals so that we can live in relationship with each other.
As I walked home, I realized how much I value being in relationship with my neighbors. Of course I took ethics in seminary, studying a variety of philosophical and religious traditions on their ideas of what is good and what is bad behavior. A lot of it overlaps, in which case the Golden Rule works just fine. Most traditions value honesty, sharing, and valuing human life. But there are many instances where they don’t overlap. For instance, some traditions teach that resistance to violence can include a military response within the moral framework of Just War, while a few traditions teach that only non-violent resistance is moral. People who are in relationship with one another do well to seriously discuss how they want to act as a community.
I had the experience of a community doing just that. I was the mentor of a young colleague serving a neighboring church, who was sitting in the pews next to her daughter one Sunday morning watching the older children in Sunday School present a play. A man entered the sanctuary with a shotgun and started shooting. A woman sitting next to my colleague’s daughter was shot in the eye and they were all covered in blood.
One of the ushers had long practiced non-violent resistance and tackled the shooter. He was elderly, but still played soccer and reacted quickly. That inspired two other ushers, who happened to be teachers who had thought through how to protect their students from a school shooter, jump in and assist the tackle. The shooter was stopped, but not before he shot the first tackler at short range, killing him. Meanwhile, all the children were quietly led to safety and my young colleague went to the hospital with the woman whose eye was shot and their children, who though bloody, were not wounded.
The shooter was tried and found guilty, but then the church had a decision to make. This all happened in a state that practices capital punishment. The church was asked if they wanted the killer to be executed or condemned to life in prison.
The congregation gathered and heard everyone’s views on the subject. There were heartfelt and ethical arguments for both punishments. They agreed that the murdered man had probably saved lives through his non-violent resistance. The children who saw this were deeply moved by his saving act. They understood in a profound way that this man was a good man. They wanted to be good like him. So, they asked that the killer serve life in prison, in keeping with the values of their murdered hero. Some members still supported capital punishment, but living by the Platinum Rule allowed them to make a difficult decision. They requested as one body to condemn the killer to life in prison, strengthening the relationships in the community for the good of all.
The Rev. Gail Seavey, retired parish minister, served Unitarian Universalist congregations in California, Minnesota, Tennessee and Salem, Massachusetts. For 30 years she came home to Gloucester every July. She is now a member of the Gloucester Unitarian Universalist Church. Midweek Musings rotates among Cape Ann clergy.