The holidays are here — a season filled with joy, laughter, delicious food, and time spent with loved ones.
But let’s be real: they can also bring a fair share of stress, anxiety, and the challenge of navigating complex family dynamics. Often, the tension finds its stage at the beloved (or dreaded) dinner table. Maybe your granddaughter shows up with purple hair and a new tattoo, Aunt Ellen can’t resist asking when you’re going to settle down, or — brace yourself —Grandpa Bob dives into a spirited discussion about tariffs. Whatever the scenario, holiday conversations can quickly shift from festive to fraught.
As a therapist intern, I’ve seen how tough it can be to navigate situations that feel out of our control. My work involves helping people accept what they can’t change while managing stress with resilience and grace. With that in mind, here’s my toolkit for tackling the holiday season’s trickiest moments.
Pre-Dinner Prep: Setting Yourself Up for Success
Know Your Role: Reflect on your role in family dynamics. Are you the peacekeeper or the one who stirs the pot? Knowing this can help you adjust your approach or embrace it more intentionally.
Set Boundaries: Decide which topics are off-limits and when you need to leave. Calmly communicate your limits if necessary, and stick to them without guilt.
Practice Mindfulness: Take a few moments to breathe deeply or visualize a positive evening. Starting calm makes it easier to handle challenges.
During Dinner: Staying Grounded in the Moment
Active Listening: When conversations get tense, practice listening with empathy. Focus on validating emotions rather than debating opinions. For example, if someone says something controversial, you might respond with, “I can see why you’d feel that way,” instead of jumping into a counterargument.
Redirect: If a conversation starts heading into dangerous territory, gently steer it in a new direction. Humor and curiosity are your best tools: “How about that heatwave we got this week?” or “This ham is amazing — who made it?” These light pivots can defuse tension without shutting anyone down.
Aftercare: Taking Care of Yourself
Debrief: Reflect on what went well and what didn’t. Celebrate moments where you handled things gracefully and identify areas to improve.
Self-Compassion: Family gatherings are messy, and no one handles them perfectly. Give yourself credit for showing up and decompress with an activity that soothes you—whether that’s journaling, a favorite show, or venting to a friend.
As I think about the holiday season, two words come to mind: diversity and compassion. Some of us might spend Christmas alone this year, and others have no choice. Maybe it’s the first holiday since losing a parent or severing ties with family. During this season, I’m trying to lean into compassion for myself and others while inviting people to the table instead of building walls to keep them out. As much as we feel pressured to rely on ourselves and feel happy during the holiday season, sometimes sadness and worry creep in. Know when it’s time to seek professional support. At Mental Wellness Counseling, our team of more than 30 dedicated therapists is here to help you and your family navigate the holiday season —and any challenges that may arise beyond it.