Just the word “December” or “holiday” is so powerful, right?
It may instantly bring so many things to our minds: warmth, love, family, friends. It may remind us of various experiences, such as delightful sensory details: baking and food smells/tastes, the decorations everywhere, meeting/hugging various people, and hearing music and the voices of long-awaited people.
We can relive a particular Christmas due to something that happened on the date, such as my son getting engaged last Christmas, or when Uncle Joe dropped the turkey.
But it can also be a time of stress.
Some difficulties may be because we sabotage ourselves through unrealistic thinking. Problems, mental health and otherwise, can happen due to unavoidable schedule changes, additional tasks we take on, or our preconceived ideas of how things “need” to be.
Some of these items are points that might be out of our control — weather delays, long lines, etc., However, are there concerns we can choose to decrease or stop doing altogether? Can we choose to make the holidays simpler, if we wish to? Can we decorate less, shop less, not worry about cleaning every square inch of the house? Perhaps we can compromise with some plans, tasks or the amount of time we allot to various things. Often these expectations of ourselves can be unmanageable and overwhelm us.
Holidays can also be very difficult if people are grieving or missing someone from past years. Even a “normal” occurrence, such as a family change (empty nest) can lead to grief. Grieving can feel unending, uncontrollable, and painful. Each of us will encounter this sometime in our lives. This can be a time of deep memories; some wonderful and some, not so much.
So, what can we do? First off, know that if you are grieving, give yourself special care. Life changes can be scary and when changes are due to the death of a loved one, or the change of family members and the grieving can feel unmanageable. Think about yourself and. We know about identify your likes, dislikes and needs. Regardless of what “needs” to be done, please care for yourselves. Identify something or someone that soothes you — a song, a movie, a bath, friends, reading, etc. Give yourself the time to reach out, if needed. People can seriously wish to help, but do not know if you want time alone or if you need a support system. Call to ask someone for support, if you need it. Help members of your household also find comforts for themselves.
If it seems that you cannot find support, for yourself or family members utilize visualization/mindfulness to imagine your soothing places or people. It can be fun to attempt to get your senses involved in this. For instance, a warm area, perhaps near the oven, can help one visualize a beach. Wind can help one visualize being outside and hearing birds, etc.
Traditions are a very important activity during the holidays. Some traditions enable the community to gather and come together, like Christmas tree lightings. If a particular tradition does not excite or soothe you start a new tradition or try a different tradition.
This may not only be helpful to you, but more than likely to others as well. It may help a person identify that, despite a loss, they can help to comfort others. My hope is that everyone finds ways to have a wonderful, safe, cozy, happy holiday. I hope you have a joyous, love-filled Christmas.