The Buffalo Fatherhood Initiative launched its 13-week Nurturing Fathers Program on Monday at the Hope & Wellness Recovery Café at 328 East Ave. The free 13-week program will meet weekly from 6 to 8 p.m. to equip fathers with the tools to improve family relationships and the well-being of their children.
Denise Herkey-Jarosch, development administrator for the Buffalo Prenatal-Perinatal Network that oversees the initiative, said participants will develop effective communication skills, learn discipline strategies that don’t use violence or fear, explore healthy co-parenting approaches, and gain insight into supporting the emotional development of their children and families.
“It’s been known for a lot of years that there’s a need to educate fathers based on what’s going on in the world,” said Terry Seay, manager of the Buffalo Fatherhood Initiative. “For every four homes where there are children, fathers are not there. That’s a lot of children where their father is not readily available to them. And even when a father is in their life, he’s not consistent. The number of single-mother homes, especially in our area, is in the thousands. By educating fathers, giving them the tools and skills, it helps them be the best partner, father, and husband. Maybe we can cut down on those homes. The challenge is getting men who are fathers, father figures, expectant fathers, to show up.”
Seay said there are several factors that present challenges to men in fatherhood.
“There’s a lot of young fathers out there — 16-year-olds — and they’re not ready,” he said. “There’s probably some younger than that. If they don’t have the right support, they’re lost and confused. Then there’s the relationship that doesn’t always work out between a man and a woman. Even if he is trying to be a good father, he’s not there. He may be on drugs and alcohol. But most who are fathers want to be in the life of their child.”
Stress, mental health struggles, and lack of income can lead men to feel they can’t do the job of a father, Seay said. Incarceration can also make them absent from their family’s lives.
Seay said it’s important for fatherhood classes to have male instructors, “because a man identifies with a man. When you talk about being a father, you want to hear it from a father. We have a group of facilitators who have been through our class, who are fathers who graduated from the class. They speak from experience.”
The classes combine participant discussion with guidance and resources, he said.
“In discussions, things come out,” Seay said. “The biggest want or need a father may express is to be with their children. To be recognized to be seen as a father. Fathers are invisible in society for whatever reason — work, incarceration — they’re just not available or interested. They just don’t show up to parent-teacher conferences, little league, recitals — moms are always the ones who take the children to these things.”
As an example, Seay recalled his own experience of taking his son for an eye exam with his wife, each of them sitting on opposite sides of the doctor.
“The doctor turns his back to me and speaks only to the mother. I’m upset, I feel devalued.”
After later providing some feedback that he wanted to be informed, the doctor included him in future visits and they had a dialogue.
“He saw me,” Seay said. “He saw that I’m serious. Those are the types of things that happen.”
The program provides coaching to men on how substance abuse, anger and stress can get in the way of fathering, Seay said. Participants learn how to play with children, how to work as a team with the mom.
“Everybody didn’t have a role model,” Seay said. “If his father wasn’t there, it could have been a neighbor or a TV father. That discussion and their ability to be vulnerable is what makes it special.”
Participants can register at https://bit.ly/46IB8oH.