The modern world tries its best to convince us that there is nothing in on earth that we won’t argue about. You pick the topic and without much effort you will find people with differing opinions about it; fact based or otherwise. But I tell you, two days after Christmas 2025, that there is one topic we all are good with and that is as a civilization, we have agreed to never tell anyone under about the age of ten that Santa Claus is a myth.
We all know that it’s a man-made concept that we impose on tiny tots in the name of making Christmas “magical” but it’s a free-for-all as to the lengths any individual may take to maintain this myth. The buy-in on this societal construct, even in the face of universal disdain for common agreement on every other subject, has been total.
So I write today, to those informed otherwise, that Santa Claus is not real.
Many just gasped and others spit out their coffee. Maybe someone even dropped to their knees and shook their fists at the sky yelling obscenities, all aimed at the messenger. But, every last one of you knew that I am not wrong.
Here, inside one of America’s best daily newspapers with this size of circulation, for any age of person that can read and comprehend, is the honest truth. I’m here to tell you that (a) none of the gifts that you received on Christmas morning were delivered to your rooftop by reindeer drawn sleigh, (b), none of those gifts were brought into your home via the chimney or any other magic portals, and © the person that did deliver gifts was not also involved with a worldwide 24-hour rash of home invasions that involved putting gifts under trees then stealing cookies, a glass of milk, and a single carrot.
And I’m actually a big fan of Santa.
I find Santa to be the one entity that can show up practically anywhere or anytime and be cheered and welcomed with open arms. Seeing a random person in a Santa hat is always a happy sight. Santa abides not just at Christmas but throughout the year. I’ve seen people dressed as Santa in summer parades, in the stands at NFL games, or climbing the Sleeping Bear Dunes, and it never fails to make me smile. I know of no other singular personality that can do that. If more of us adopted a Santa Claus attitude all year long, imagine the benefits.
How then, let alone why, have we co-opted the original man of mirth and girth into this seasonal, societal, invocation of carte blanche secrecy and deception aimed at the youngest among us?
If you’re a kid reading this column, not only have you successfully navigated the first three sections or so of the Weekend Edition of the Record Eagle, but more importantly, you’ve proved yourself worthy of knowing this Yuletide truth.
Want more proof, kid?
In a month or two eat all the cookies in your house. When Mom or Dad asks who ate all the cookies, tell them that some guy in a red suit trimmed with white fur popped out of the fireplace and took them. Not only did he take them, but before he left, he took a puff off his pipe, laid a finger aside of his nose, whistled for his reindeer team, and left the same way he came in.
Santa stuff is fun, but see if it gets you as far as it’s gotten Mom and Dad.