All that was left of the gigantic tree in our backyard was the stump. Lightning had finished off the rest many years earlier. The stump was perfect for playing with my tiny Army men though. I did that as a little kid whenever there was no neighborhood baseball going on.
One day, while playing at the stump, our elderly neighbor from two houses up came through our gate. She carried three giant leather bags. “Johnny, is your daddy home?” She asked. “I want him to hold on to these guns. Jimmy is drinking again.” I hustled in to see if dad was home.
Jimmy, in his 30s, was an alcoholic. His mom returned home after giving the guns to my mom, the only one home. Like every time, we soon heard smashing, breaking and screaming as Jimmy started beating his mom. He then would haul her out the front door, down the steps and slam her head against a tree until blood was everywhere.
By then the police had arrived and Jimmy was hauled off to the drunk tank. This went on, over and over. Jimmy never stayed in jail because his mom never pressed charges. One day a couple years later, they moved. I heard Jimmy shot himself.
Today we hope someone would have intervened if a similar situation occurred. Someone could have reached out to a mental health specialist, if that was even a choice back then. Now there are such people, all trained in taking care of the strange illnesses of the mind. Even so, we often don’t refer people to help, because we tend to look the other way. This time, the mass shootings took place in a high school and then on a major highway in Kentucky. The ill, the lost, the lonely, the rejected and the hateful all have access to weapons, and will use them to express what they know not themselves. It really doesn’t matter what the shooter’s motive was to those who are dead. Nor does it matter that someone might have known about the problem that led to the shootings, because their potential help came too late.
So we compile statistics, make profiles and wait. Wait until the next shooting when more families are forever torn apart, some quite literally. Why not say, “In my town, that is enough. We will have ready, clear access to mental health professionals. We will know to refer someone if their behavior seems to suggest danger to himself or others.” Suicide has become more and more prevalent these days. We in Limestone County can call 211, the helpline referral. Someone suicidal can call this number and be referred to various agencies that can help. In fact, once the caller advises his status, he can be referred ever more specifically to help.
Don’t be afraid, if you sense any of the following signs, to ask the person if they’ve thought of suicide. Your question will not “put the idea into their head.” Rather, it will show someone cares enough to ask about the strange signs the possible suicide is giving off. “Psychology Today” states, “For those at risk of attempting suicide, abrupt changes in mood and behavior — including dramatic mood swings or a sudden uplift in mood after a long period of despair — are common indicators that someone is contemplating ending their own life. Talking about feeling worthless, hopeless, like a burden or like others will be “better off” without them are common indicators of suicidal thoughts or behavior; some evidence suggests that feeling like a burden on others may be a particularly strong predictor and that language to that effect should be taken seriously. Giving away needed possessions without a clear reason or “saying goodbye” to loved ones are also signs of potential suicidality that should be addressed.” Feeling lonely, rejected, unwanted and unneeded seems to thread throughout these actions. What can finally serve to decide the person is to settle on a means of suicide. Often, just the availability of a means of suicide can lead to an impulsive decision. Ease of access makes the suicide’s decision all the easier. Years ago, gas stoves served the purpose. With the advent of electrical stoves, suicides went down significantly. Today, ease of access to guns makes the suicide’s decision easier. Taking a gun to the street in the hope of suicide by cop, taking other lives and ultimately their own is how some suicides hope to get the attention he so desires.
Don’t let this happen. Be proactive. Know where mental health counsellors are. Engage them to give classes. Reach out to all those lonely people who seem lost. Encourage others to watch after their family and After all, that’s what being a real, caring community is all about.