May is a month defined by the weight and wonder of military service. Our calendars are full of significant observances: Military Caregiver Month, National Nurses Week, Armed Forces Day and the solemnity of Memorial Day. Yet, standing behind every service member, every peace officer and every fallen patriot is a foundation of love that makes all other service possible.
This May, I want to focus on the heart of the home, our mothers.
THE PATIENCE OF A MILITARY MONDAY
While a civilian might grow frustrated over a 15-minute delay for a bus or a few hours in an airport, the military mother understands a different kind of waiting.
Our mothers stood by husbands, daughters and sons as they followed us around the globe. They navigated the lonely silence of year-long remote assignments and the heavy anxiety of wartime deployments. Some waited six years for the return of a prisoner-of-war husband; others continue a lifelong vigil for those still missing in action. Theirs is a “lived-in” patience, a stoicism forged in the crucible of service and faith in God.
A DIVINE MANDATE
Mother’s Day is more than a Hallmark holiday, it is underscored by the timeless wisdom of the Old Testament. In Leviticus 19:3 and Exodus 20:12, God provides a clear mandate: “Honor your father and mother” and “Respect your father and mother.”
This is not a suggestion, it is a commandment, a recognition of the sacred role parents play in the architecture of our souls.
RITUALS OF REMEMBERANCE
For many retirees, our mothers have already passed into eternal rest. How do we make this day meaningful when we can no longer pick up the phone?
My wife, Mary, and I have found comfort in small, intentional rituals. After Sunday worship, we light a candle in their honor. We cook their favorite meals, record “grace notes” in our gratitude books and even indulge in a quiet afternoon nap, a simple luxury they cherished.
Since our mothers are buried in New York, we bridge the distance by calling siblings and children to retell the old stories. If you are near her final resting place, visit with your children. Talk to her, pray and leave a card or a coin on the headstone, a small token that says, “You are not forgotten.”
If she is a Gold Star Mother, leave a coin on the tombstone.
CREATING NEW MEMORIES
To the children and grandchildren: Treat her like a queen. Walk through history, dust off the photo albums or digitize those old 8mm films. We recently moved our 1960s family trips to digital formats; seeing those vibrant moments brought her back to us in a new way.
Listen to her silence: My mother had the rare gift of listening without interrupting. This Mother’s Day, offer her that same gift. Reach out to a widow or orphan and let them know you understand and appreciate them.
The “I’m here” promise: My mother’s advice was always anchored by the phrase, “I’m praying every day for you, and I’m here if you need me.” Make sure she knows you are there for her, too.
A LEGACY OF ACTION
My mother was a force of nature. She raised five children with a spiritual backbone, ensuring we gathered every night at 7 p.m. for family prayer. She didn’t just pray for neighbors, she put those prayers into action with a hot meal or a handwritten card.
She was unpretentious and humble, the ultimate behind-the-scenes volunteer who never sought an award. Today, when her favorite TV show comes on or I find myself using one of her signature quips, the grief is gone, replaced by the warmth of a love that was constant and strong.
We see ourselves in our mothers’ words and behaviors. As we “play it forward” to the next generation, we carry her spirit with us.
To all mothers, and especially to our Gold Star Mothers who carry the memory of our fallen heroes, thank you for a life well-lived.