PEABODY — Former Patriots linebacker Ted Johnson wasn’t thinking about what college could get him to the NFL when he was a teenager. He was focused on what schools would get him out of a tough home situation.
The three-time Super Bowl champion’s unstable childhood in California left him with anger and trauma that fueled his commitment on the gridiron, the one place where he felt at home. It also left him feeling insecure in his abilities as a player, even when coaches assured him he was good enough to “play every Sunday,” he said.
Johnson was a second-round draft pick by the Patriots in 1995 and went on to have an impressive 10-year run with the team until his retirement in 2005. He played 125 regular season games and amassed 763 tackles, 11.5 sacks and five seasons as a team captain.
Though he created a better life for himself as an adult, multiple concussions upturned his world once in the early 2000s.
He made headlines in 2007 when he told the New York Times that coach Bill Belichick had him participate in full-contact practices just a few days after sustaining a concussion in an exhibition game against the New York Giants in 2002.
Multiple head injuries later, Johnson developed depression and was in constant pain. Looking for relief, he turned to amphetamines in 2003 and, later on, cocaine.
“I kept telling myself this is a temporary thing,” Johnson said while speaking at a North Shore Chamber of Commerce business expo at the Boston Marriot Peabody Thursday afternoon. “I would stop on Monday. I’d stop next week.
“I went from feeling helpless to hopeless.”
Johnson shared his story of struggle with the crowd of local business leaders and employees — and how therapy changed his life for the better.
He was able to get sober with the support of his girlfriend and his former coach and began attending therapy.
“It’s within each of us to decide that we want to change, and that’s what I did,” Johnson said.
He loved therapy from the start, he said. He was able to learn about co-dependency and the root causes of his problems: being raised in an unstable home by a single mother with untreated borderline personality disorder.
What he found the most helpful was group therapy, he said.
“I thought I was the only one that was feeling despair and worthlessness and that I wasn’t good enough,” Johnson said. “Oh no. A lot of us are that same way. You get in this room and people start sharing their stuff, and you’re like, holy cow, you’re not alone. There’s a huge amount of strength that comes from that.”
Part of Johnson’s group therapy work was to write letters to his mother, who he called his abuser, and break objects to let out pent up anger. He also sat in on other members of his group as they spoke directly to those who negatively affected their lives and had a similar sit down conversation with his mother.
“The sad part is those people that are opposite you in the chair, they might never understand you, but I understand you,” he said. “Other addicts will understand you, and so you find comfort in the therapeutic community because of knowing that they’ve been down a similar path you have.”
“That relatability gives you strength and you feel closer to that person.”
Johnson is clean and doesn’t feel so depressed these days, he said.
Along with being an analyst for pre and post game shows on multiple local networks and an afternoon radio host for WEEI 93.7 FM, he has taught leadership classes as an adjunct professor at Suffolk University and has supported concussion research and awareness.
Johnson also serves as a wellness ambassador for Peabody-based Maritime Behavioral Health Management to support those struggling with mental health and addiction.
“It feels good now to give back and to help people if they need it,” he said. “A lot of times, it’s just talking to them for a few minutes, just sharing your struggles.
“Guys who have taken chances and said things that were sensitive — and it might have been embarrassing to them, but they were willing to talk about it because it’s going to help other people — I give them so much credit.”
Contact Caroline Enos at CEnos@northofboston.com.