One Wednesday a month, people gather round a long table at Luella’s Lodge — a log cabin situated on 10 acres of woods, hiking, and biking trails in Oakwood. Their goal? Nonjudgmental connection and support throughout the grieving journey.
This past Wednesday evening, attendees painted rocks with paint markers as each person took their turn introducing themselves and answering one key question: “Who are you missing today?”
Some were mourning babies that they’d never been able to hold. Others talked of grieving the loss of their life-long partners they’d lost recently, and several told stories of missing their parents.
As each person shared, sometimes through tears, some cried along with them while others kept their eyes down as they painted their rock, perhaps thankful to have something to focus on.
When it came to my turn, I looked over at my younger brother who had come along with me, then I began my story.
“Our mother passed away from colon cancer in January of 2022. She was only 52 and we only had a few months with her after her diagnosis,” I said. “I lived most of my life without my mother, as she often abandoned me when she didn’t know how to handle her feelings, but now she’s really gone and I am so angry with her sometimes. We never got closure.”
My story was met with kind smiles, a pat on the back, and empathetic tears from some around the table. Unsure how to respond, I looked down at my own rock and opened a silver marker to begin writing the motto that has gotten me through these past two years: “The next right step.”
As the night progressed, the group discussed the many emotions grief brings to the surface, including those that society is quick to silence and shame people for expressing.
“I just have so much rage sometimes,” one woman said.
“I am so tired of people asking me how I am doing. I started telling them the truth,” another said.
“People don’t seem to appreciate my dark humor,” said another.
One common thread that emerged among the group was a deep disappointment with the healthcare system and the callousness with which some nurses and doctors informed attendees of the death of their loved ones. Others spoke about receiving phone calls from insurance companies asking to speak to their deceased loved ones.
Beneath it all, though, a feeling of safety and warmth permeated the room. No matter how attendees expressed their feelings, they were met with kindness and acceptance. Many shook their heads in agreement.
For one woman named Holly, these Gathering for Grievers events, as well as the grief retreats hosted at the lodge, have been a lifeline.
“My husband and I found Luella’s Lodge after we lost our only child earlier this year. We have been trying for many years without success to start a family. Nothing prepared us for the pain of finding out our child no longer had a heartbeat; our world stopped. It felt like we were drowning in grief,” Holly said.
Like many of the people who come to Luella’s Lodge, Holly and her husband learned about it through a local support group for bereaved parents.
“Luella’s Lodge provided us a safe place to be around other bereaved parents without judgement. This type of loss can take you to dark places and being around others who validated that pain was a breath of fresh air,” Holly said.
As everyone headed to their cars to drive home, several women hung around and exchanged contact information. Some hugged for a long time while others laughed together and agreed to come to the next gathering in September.
Luella’s Lodge, located at 7397 E. 1500 North Road in Oakwood, is a 501c3 organization dedicated to providing “support groups and non-traditional holistic therapies for families grieving the death of a child.” To learn more about their regular events and retreats, check out their website at LuellasLodge.org.