Q. My older sister died about a year ago and my brother-in-law has been having a really hard time. We are all still grieving, but sometimes he says things that worry me. They had been married for more than 50 years and the other day he told me he just doesn’t want to live without her. Is this a normal part of losing a spouse? Should I be worried?
A. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister’s passing. After so many years together, it’s understandable that your brother-in-law is having a hard time adjusting to life without her. He may just be expressing his feelings, but it could be a sign he’s struggling more deeply. You’re wise to take a statement like the one he shared seriously.
The loss of a spouse and feelings of hopelessness and loneliness are all risk factors that make it more likely that someone will consider suicide. It can be easy to feel helpless when someone you love is struggling, but there are things you can do. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offers some suggestions to help someone who may be in crisis:
Be direct. It may feel awkward, but asking your brother-in-law directly if he is considering suicide can show him that you’re open to talking with him and won’t judge him.
Be willing to listen. Encourage him to talk, then listen and acknowledge his feelings.
Show support. Checking in with him, either in person or over the phone, can go a long way toward reminding him that he is important to you and a part of your family.
Ask for help. If you believe your brother-in-law is in danger of harming himself, call 911. You can also let him know about the 988 Lifeline, which is free and confidential. 988 Lifeline counselors are always available to answer a call.
Remember, you’re still grieving, too. So if it starts to feel like too much, reach out to a trusted friend, counselor, or a grief support group. Even small moments of connection can go a long way right now – for both of you.
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org.
Joan Hatem-Roy is the chief executive officer of AgeSpan, which serves the following cities and towns: Amesbury, Andover, Billerica, Boxford, Chelmsford, Danvers, Dracut, Dunstable, Georgetown, Groveland, Haverhill, Lawrence, Lowell, Marblehead, Merrimac, Methuen, Middleton, Newbury, Newburyport, North Andover, Peabody, Rowley, Salisbury, Salem, Tewksbury, Tyngsboro, Westford, and West Newbury.