Q. My wife was recently diagnosed with early-stage dementia. I have had to help her with things here and there as her condition has developed, but I never expected to be her caregiver. In my generation, men just didn’t learn how to do a lot of these things. How can I adjust to this new role?
A. If you’re new to caregiving, you’re not alone. Many men find themselves in this situation for the first time. Taking on household tasks or caregiving duties can have a learning curve, but with some research and practice you will adjust. A good place to get started is with the AgeSpan Family Caregiver Support Program (FCSP), which offers resources and services for caregivers, including support groups for those caring for a loved one with dementia. When David Girouard’s wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, the FCSP was a source of support and information.
“In the beginning, I learned an awful lot from everybody, especially the support group facilitators, because they’ve seen it all and can give tips about best practices,” Girouard says. “AgeSpan has also helped me with resources that I would never have known about otherwise.”
As a man providing care, you may face unique challenges, but there are things you can do to make caregiving easier.
Ask questions – Learn as much as you can about your loved one’s condition and the resources available.
Be open to new skills – You may need to learn things you never had to do before, like cooking and other household tasks. This may feel strange at first, but over time it will get easier.
Ask for help – A friend or relative might be able to help you learn new skills. AgeSpan offers several different services and programs designed to support older adults and their caregivers, including the FCSP.
Learn to delegate – Decide which tasks you want to do yourself, then get help with everything else. Try meal delivery, a cleaning service, or online grocery shopping.
Take care of your own health – You can’t take care of someone else if your tank is on empty. Try to eat well and get enough exercise and sleep. Don’t be afraid to see a health care or mental health provider if you are having trouble coping.
Find male role models – It’s okay to have feelings of grief, anger, or helplessness. If possible, try to spend time with other men who are in similar situations. A caregiving class or support group can be a good place to meet others.
Remember, while caregiving can be difficult, it’s also rewarding, and support is available. I wish you and your wife all the best as you seek out the supports and services that work best for both of you.
You can learn more about the Family Caregiver Support Program on our website at: agespan.org/solutions/caregiver-support/
Are you caring for an older adult or need help finding healthy aging resources? Our experienced staff is available to help. Visit us online at www.agespan.org. You can also call 800-892-0890 or email info@agespan.org.
Joan Hatem-Roy is the chief executive officer of AgeSpan, which serves Andover, Groveland, Haverhill, Lawrence, Methuen and North Andover.