Dear Annie: I’m the mother of a 14-year-old daughter, and lately TikTok has me genuinely frightened.
At first, I thought it was mostly dancing, makeup tutorials and funny videos. But over time, I started hearing about dangerous “challenges,” extreme dieting advice, risky stunts and videos that encourage kids to do things they would never have thought of on their own.
What scares me most is how quickly my daughter seems to trust what she sees. If a TikTok creator says something is healthy, safe or “what everyone is doing,” she takes it seriously. When I question it, she rolls her eyes and tells me I don’t understand her generation.
I don’t want to become the mother who bans everything and drives her daughter to hide things from her. But I also feel like I’m competing with an endless stream of strangers who have far more influence over her than I do.
How do parents protect their children from the darker side of social media without destroying trust? and at what point does being cautious become being controlling?
— Terrified by TikTok
Dear Terrified: Your concern is reasonable. Talk to her. The key is open communication done with lots of love and understanding.
Instead of only telling her what’s dangerous, ask her to show you what she watches and talk about it together. Teach her to question who created a video and if what they are selling or talking about is good.
Try not to take the eye-rolling personally. Pushing back is a normal part of being 14, and it doesn’t mean she isn’t listening. Stay curious rather than critical, and she may be more willing to let you in.
You can also set reasonable limits on screen time and make certain rules nonnegotiable when safety is involved. Keeping phones out of bedrooms overnight and using the app’s built-in privacy and parental controls are good places to start. The difference between cautious and controlling comes down to transparency. Rules she knows about, understands and can discuss are caution. Secret monitoring and sweeping bans with no explanation are what breed sneaking around. Telling her the “why” matters as much as the rule itself.
Finally, watch for changes in her eating, mood or behavior. If something seems off, don’t wait to involve her pediatrician or a counselor. That isn’t being controlling. It’s parenting.
The goal is not to win a battle over TikTok. It’s to help your daughter develop good judgment so that when you aren’t beside her, your voice is still somewhere in her head.