Dear Annie: I hesitate to write this because I’ve never seen anything like this subject in your column. I am a grown woman, mom and grandmother and still have a “blanky.” When I come home from work and walk in my bedroom and see the piece of the silk end, I immediately feel relaxed. I know this sounds crazy, but it gives me comfort.
I wouldn’t call it a problem — more of an insecurity, maybe? I sleep with it, but it stays in my bedroom. I swear I’m a normal person! But I wonder if other grown adults have a childhood habit they still do today.
— Still Need My Blanky
Dear Still Need My Blanky: Plenty of adults keep some version of a childhood comfort object tucked away; they just don’t often write in about it. Yours happens to still be in daily use, but that’s the only real difference.
Unless it’s holding you back from living your life or causing distress when it’s, say, in the wash or otherwise unavailable, then I’d let go of this insecurity. Comfort objects are more common than you think.
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Dear Annie: My high school best friend and I have slowly grown apart, and I’m struggling to figure out whether this is a friendship worth trying to save or one I should graciously let go.
We were inseparable in high school and remained close for years, but somewhere along the way, we changed. We’re now in very different stages of life, and I’ve realized that our values and outlooks on some important things no longer align. I don’t expect my friends to agree with me on everything, but lately, the differences feel significant enough that I’m questioning whether we still have the foundation for a healthy friendship.
A couple of years ago, we had a major disagreement involving my long-term boyfriend, who is now my husband. She made strong judgments about him without really knowing him. Although we eventually moved past the argument, I don’t think our friendship ever fully recovered.
Now I only see her every few months, and when I do, it often feels more obligatory than enjoyable. I’m also hesitant to bring her around my husband because I worry about making things awkward. She sometimes makes me feel guilty for not seeing her more, even though I feel like I’m usually the one reaching out and making plans.
I feel guilty because she was once one of the most important people in my life. We have so much history, and part of me wonders if I’m giving up on a friendship that deserves another chance. But another part of me wonders if I’m holding onto it because of who we used to be, rather than who we are today.
I don’t want a dramatic falling out or a brutal cutoff. I just don’t want to spend the next several years forcing plans and feeling guilty about a friendship that no longer feels natural.
Can I let this friendship quietly fade, or do I owe her an honest conversation before stepping away? If I do decide to let go, how can I do it graciously without making her feel abandoned or turning years of friendship into an ugly ending?
— Outgrowing a Friendship
Dear Outgrowing: Not every friendship that lasts a long time is meant to last a lifetime. Sometimes people simply grow in different directions.
Since this was once such an important friendship, I’d opt for a little honesty over simply fading away. Tell her gently that you feel you’ve grown apart and that forcing the friendship out of guilt isn’t fair to either of you. Maybe that conversation will remind you both why you became friends in the first place and give you a chance to build a different kind of friendship now. Maybe it won’t, and that’s OK, too. Either way, you won’t be left wondering if you gave up too soon.