DEAR ABBY: I’m 58 and five years into my second marriage. We lived together a little over a year before getting married. I spent seven years as a caregiver for my parents before marrying my current husband.
We moved to Kentucky from Florida because his mom needed us close, but since the move, he has become someone I hardly know. We finally got his severe depression under control, but he has become petty and vindictive. He’s kind of a bully. He watches nothing but conspiracy theory videos on YouTube. I don’t know what to do. He wasn’t that way when we dated.
I was planning on leaving in a couple of years, but it has gotten a little better since he’s on the right meds. I need to rebuild my credit after the last few years and save money. I’m putting most of my paycheck into a separate account. But it is really hard to move past these last few horrible years. He expects me to take care of his mom, who abandoned him as a child. I don’t want to. I really dislike her. Am I wrong to still be thinking of leaving? — STUCK NOWHERE
DEAR STUCK: Your husband may have married you so he’d have someone to take care of his mother. You paid your dues for seven years with your own parents. Remind your husband that you moved to Kentucky so HE, not you, could take care of his mom, and you will not allow him to foist her off on you. Keep salting your money away, and when you have enough to make a new start, decide then whether you want to move on.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 20-something gay male who was seeing a guy in his 50s who lives a couple hours away. For almost two months, we spoke nearly every day and saw each other as time allowed. I thought we had great chemistry, and I held him in high regard. (He even introduced me to your column.)
Out of nowhere, he’s saying he feels only friendship for me and that we aren’t in the same place emotionally. It’s a total gut punch. I feel like I did or said something wrong, but I don’t know what it is, so I’m blaming myself. I replay all our conversations and dates in my head, searching for where I went wrong.
How do I break this cycle? And how can I allow myself to trust other men — especially older men — when I feel so burned by my interaction with Mr. Fifties? — TWENTY-SOMETHING IN TENNESSEE
DEAR TWENTY-SOMETHING: Please stop being so hard on yourself. Something surely happened. Maybe the chemistry between the two of you wasn’t as strong as you thought it was. It’s also possible that he met someone and didn’t have the courage to be honest about it. Whatever his reason, you have no choice but to accept that the two of you weren’t in the same place emotionally. It’s time to move on without assuming that all older men are the same.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.