We have no hedgehogs here on the North Shore, unless you count someone with a particularly prickly personality, who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are.
In fact, it’s illegal to own a hedgehog in California, Georgia, Hawaii, or New York City.
But this tiny spiny creature crawls all over Britain. And it’s beloved there. For various reasons:
It’s little and cute.
It’s harmless — doesn’t jab its quills into you like those nasty porcupines.
It doesn’t bother you during the day, mostly dozing or lazing about, staying out of sight, like you wish certain humans would.
If they make any noise at all, it’s just charming grunts, snuffles, and squeals.
It mostly feeds on things there are plenty of — insects, or the occasional dish of cat food, which was foolish to leave outdoors, so whose fault is it that the hedgehog ate it?
When it feels threatened, it does a cute sea-urchin impersonation: tucks in its furry face, balling up into a prickly sphere of spines, everything short of a little sign that says “Nothing to see here.”
However, for all the delight it brings to the Brits, the U.K.’s cherished little bloke is in danger. Hedgehog numbers are dramatically down.
Why? Not enough hedges.
Developers are gobbling up hedgehog country. Clearing vast rectangles of the English earth. As houses go up, borders between properties aren’t hedgey; they’re solid fences or walls, designed to keep the neighbor’s Yorkie from fouling your yucca.
Result: Hedgehogs can’t go back and forth from bed to breakfast.
Yet there is hope. There’s a campaign to save the hedgehog — by inspiring the English to cut little doorways in their backyard fences.
Hedgehogs on the hoof now encounter elaborately decorated doorways, carefully carved archways, tiny welcome signs — which English hedgehogs can read, because the education system is so good there.
At hedgehoggy passageways in public areas, miniature decals caution humans: “Hedgehog Highway: Please keep this hole open!”
The campaign is such a success, the country now has 133,000 documented hedgehog holes for its 875,000+ hedgehogs. That’s fewer than seven hedgehogs per opening, so traffic backups are rare.
Some humans have even set up hedgehog mini-farmstands, bad-weather hedgehog shelters, and little hedgehog bridges across tricky terrain.
Good for jolly old England. But it’s time for America to step up.
We may have no hedgehogs, but we certainly have small mammals in need.
In my own backyard, I see innumerable chipmunks. They’re always scurrying about in a frenzy, clearly disoriented. It’s obvious they can’t find their way home.
Then they stop, frozen, for no apparent reason. They suddenly come to a complete standstill — clearly they’re having a seizure.
All brought on by an utter lack of chipmunk-infrastructure. No proper passageways, inadequate signage, nary a bad-weather chipmunk shelter to be found.
It’s a mental-health crisis of chipmunkian proportions. We’re leaving our furry friends to fend for themselves, and if we don’t do something, our chipmunk population will decline precipitously, and that’s going to mean hungry times for our hawks, snakes, raccoons, coyotes, and indoor-outdoor cats.
We on the North Shore must take the lead. A few simple suggestions:
A very small poster can be so encouraging to a chipmunk in crisis. Consider these possibilities: “Stay chipper! You are loved here!” “Cuteness counts! You are loved here!” “The cat isn’t ours. You are loved here!”
Sacrifice a ladies’ compact mirror for the cause. Prop it open on the ground so the chipmunks can see themselves. Self-awareness is a real problem in the chipmunk community, and your simple gesture of compassion may reduce the number of episodes suffered by your backyard residents.
Chicken wire is cheap at Tedford’s, and it comes in a roll, so it will be easy to cut off a curved section and make a miniature tunnel that runs all the way around your home. This will help the little guys get wherever they’re going; plus, when they’re having an episode and can’t move at all, the tunnel will keep them safe from that cat.
For the complete hedgehog-and-chipmunk story, visit Ipswich resident Doug Brendel’s tales at Outsidah.com.