In an emotional ceremony, grieving residents released butterflies this week at HSHS St. Anthony’s Memorial Hospital to honor, remember and celebrate the lives of deceased loved ones.
HSHS Hospice held the annual ceremony Thursday afternoon in Effingham at the HSHS St. Anthony’s Memorial Hospital Healing Garden.
The organizer of the ceremony, HSHS Hospice Bereavement Services Supervisor Valerie Engelbart, said this is the ninth year that the ceremony has been held by HSHS Hospice, which is celebrating its 10th anniversary. HSHS Hospice annually serves approximately 1,500 hospice patients.
“Our territory has grown for hospice. We cover 37 counties now,” Engelbart said. “Initially, whenever our hospice started, it was just kind of a way to give back to the community and to kind of look at how we kind of tie it all up as people are grieving.”
In total, 75 butterflies were released at the Healing Garden. Every year since it’s inception, attendance at the ceremony has continued to rise. Engelbart noted that the butterfly release ceremony now includes all nine of the ministries in the Illinois division of HSHS and said attendees have driven for as long as two hours to take part.
“They’re invited to come back every year if they want, and we’ll keep saying their names over and over for as long as they want or need,” she said.
Although the ceremony is held by HSHS Hospice, it is not only reserved for the family and friends of hospice patients that have died. Engelbart encourages anyone who has lost a loved one to take part in future ceremonies.
“If you lose somebody to cancer or an accident, you get sympathy, but sometimes when we lose them to, perhaps, maybe their own choices and things, we still grieve. But we don’t get to be as open with it,” Engelbart said. “This offers them an opportunity to not have that stigma.”
Engelbart said the butterfly release ceremony reminds her not to take things for granted and appreciate each day of her life. She also claimed that while there’s nothing wrong with being sad, especially when overcome with grief, it’s also OK to reflect on positive memories.
“It’s probably one of the most powerful pieces for what I do,” she said of the ceremony. “We don’t have to dwell. We don’t have to hide it away.”
Prior to the release, a service was held in the hospital’s chapel. HSHS Hospice Chaplain Krista Stokke gave a blessing.
“May the sweet light of change shine in the darkness. May your first breath each morning begin life again.
“May your memories of your loved one dying unfold as prayers for life, and may the love continue to fill the silence,” Stokke said.
Stokke also discussed the symbolic connection between the slow metamorphosis of butterflies and the “exhausting” grieving process, saying that while grieving is difficult, it can ultimately lead to a positive transformation and the alleviation of the pain caused by one’s loss.
“The butterfly has clearly evolved into a symbol of renewal because of its impressive journey of metamorphosis,” she said. “We have toiled, and we have sweated. And we have cocooned and patiently waited as a chrysalis to emerge one day as a new and different persona.”
Among those releasing butterflies was Jim Dial of Effingham who took part in the ceremony with his son, Tom Dial of Effingham, to honor and remember his granddaughter, Lilian Dial, daughter, Theresa Dial Myers, and his wife, Rita Dial, who died just months before the ceremony.
“I just lost her in December, so it’s still pretty raw,” Jim Dial said of his late wife. “It’s the first I’ve ever been to. It’s emotional”
While he’s still grieving the loss of his wife, Jim Dial is also able to look back on his 66 year marriage to his high school sweetheart with a smile on his face and a witty sense of humor.
“I joined the Navy to get rid of her, but I still end up marrying her,” Jim Dial joked.
“She just chased him and chased him,” Tom Dial joked.
Another attendee, Martha White of Neoga, took part in the ceremony with her friend of about 20 years, Jane Swank of Effingham.
“I loved it. I thought it was great,” Martha White said of the ceremony.
Martha White was there to remember and celebrate the life of her late husband, Ralph White, who died on March 15, the same day as Martha White’s birthday. She said that the timing of her husband’s death actually allowed for a “wonderful” final moment with him.
“He always sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, so my daughter told him the night before that she would order the flowers for my birthday and bring them the next day,” she said.
When Martha White’s daughter visited the next day, she gave the flowers to her mother, and, along with Martha White’s son, sang her happy birthday. It was at this moment that Ralph White appeared to react despite not being able to move for quite some time.
“He moved his head like he was trying to say something but couldn’t, and he took about three or four more breaths and then he passed away,” Martha White said. “He waited until I got my flowers. It was amazing.”
Martha White said that taking part in the butterfly release ceremony felt like an appropriate way to honor her late husband because he was a “model airplane enthusiast.”
“Anything that flies would be great,” she said.
Additionally, both Martha White and Swank remember Ralph White as a man who enjoyed life and always had a joke to tell.
“He was full of life,” Martha White said.
“And that’s why we enjoyed him,” Swank said. “He was funny. The punchline was always there.”