As a newly ordained minister in 1961, I had learned a lot about birth control, but virtually nothing about abortion. I hewed to the tribal dictum: Abortions were sins.
While pastoring two congregations over the next nine years, I learned a lot, and I continued to be informed during subsequent years. First, you have to understand that although I was raised in a conservative Republican family, I gradually left that fold as I found there was more to be learned from individuals and teachers who went out of their way to share a wider world view based on personal experiences.
Although my parents moved away as I entered high school, I was able to graduate by living with a neighboring family. Before graduation, I made friendships with students I wouldn’t otherwise have known. I was recruited as a drummer into an older dance band. I got a place in the New Jersey All-State Chorus, where I was blown away by the glory of Black (church-trained) singers.
I attended college lectures with my brother and found acceptance among his colleagues. I was involved in Presbyterian resistance to Sen. Joseph McCarthy’s campaign. I chose to become a minister, hopefully to influence others. I was growing up fast, but I still learned nothing about abortions.
Once I settled into parish life, I began to learn. No. 1: Women speak with a pastor whom they think might help them deal with an unwanted pregnancy. I was one. At first, I didn’t know what to say. I was against it – until I wasn’t.
Why? Because for a variety of reasons, every pregnant person of any age was terrified. My job was to be a friend. I was amazed at how quickly I put aside my blanket opposition. I learned from them.
One 19-year-old, a former member of my church’s youth group whose parents had helped her have (an illegal) abortion, described to me in detail what it felt like. Six months later, she was overwhelmed with sadness. I have yet to meet any woman who was happy about having an abortion, and many have spoken with me. Abortion produces sadness, even when it is the result of a dire medical condition.
What more is to be said? A lot! Over the past 50 years, women are less reticent to talk about abortion. Bans on abortion have drawn them out. The sadness of abortion remains, although the right of women to make a life-changing decision has become paramount. Punishing women and medical professionals for making such a life-changing decision is obscene. Men have no business in this matter. But I did.
Our two young children benefited immensely from day care. For two years, my wife worked to establish a community day care, attracting a sponsoring agency, a governing board and funding. She found a suitable campus building at a defunct business college. We prepared the facility with the artistic talent of a new immigrant. Then, her birth control failed, or so she thought (it hadn’t).
Since we had our agreed family (a boy, a girl), I said to myself, “Why don’t I just get a vasectomy?” At the time, a vasectomy required an opinion by a medical staff at a hospital deciding that the subject was a danger to himself or to others. I wasn’t. We turned to the grapevine and found an out-of-state physician who would perform the procedure. We went to him, a kind doctor with a photo of his son serving in Vietnam in view of the procedure table.
The background in the photo was Gautama Buddha.
Bob Brodsky lives in Rowley.