To return America to the path of his envisioned greatness, our greatest-ever president’s plummeting poll numbers must be reversed.
If a reality TV show put him in the White House, another will keep him there through 2028’s election – if America is foolish enough to bother holding one.
The Constitution bans third terms, you say? Ha ha! It also bans something called “emoluments.” How’s that working out for the woke mob?
That 237-year-old joke also says war can only be declared by something quaintly called “Congress.” Ha haaaaaa! Half of them think their job is to just say, “Yes!”
“Brave” and “free” you proudly sing? Oh, please! Words as worthless as “emoluments,” but we need the facade, so keep singing. And keep your hand over your heart, such a nice touch!
To be great, America must be the land of the cruel and the home of the selfish.
Our savior’s “You’re fired” persona reinforces the most basic freedom cherished as much by those who do not vote as by those who vote for him: The freedom not to give a whit about other people.
To them, empathy is not a quality to be desired. It is a threat to be destroyed, as it is on reality TV shows. That’s why we have elected to live in one. Twice.
Could call our new show “The Worst and the Darkest,” a warped reversal of JFK’s “Best and Brightest” to honor the frontal lobe-free likes of Hegseth, Patel, Leavitt, Gabbard, and on and on and Qanon.
Then again, the word “darkest” might confuse a Republican Party bent on ethnic cleansing, so MAGA, meet MAPA, “Make America Pure Again.”
Fundamentalists will love that, and opportunities abound for product placement of such sacred items as Trump Bibles to read while sitting on gold toilets.
Let’s combine reality, game and variety shows: brief segments easily posted individually, accessible to viewers with the attention span of turnips and the gullibility of puppies. You know, Fox’s audience.
Suggested segments:
Civics-shmivics: Answer basic questions such as naming the USA’s three branches of government. The one coming closest to “Mar-a-Lago, Fantasy Island and the Kremlin” gets the red star.
Reporters-R-Us: Cover press conferences – say Kristi Noem (still employed on our dime) in her latest costume, hat, lip fillers and necklace with cross. Describe her as intelligent, coherent and honest, and Points-R-U.
You’re hired: Evaluate cabinet members based on their testimony at congressional hearings. Describe Pam Bondi as thoughtful, forthcoming and professional, and here’s your security clearance.
Patriotic history: Deliver the highest praise of slavery as a benevolent institution, the harshest condemnation of the labor movement as communist, the most convincing account of Jan. 6 as a normal tourist day.
Republican dictionary: Redefine words. For example, Jan. 6 did not involve a mob because the word “mob” means “city.” ICE is not occupying neighborhoods, it is quelling mobs.
Sharpied forecasts: Based on weather maps, let ICE know the best time to land in Milwaukee or Detroit, or the Navy when to surround San Francisco or Manhattan, or the Army when to ransack Seattle or Philadelphia.
Fractured Yelp reviews: Recommend restaurants and nightclubs where our courageously masked ICE agents can enjoy themselves – while taking notes on dark-skinned staff they might come back to arrest later to fill their quotas.
Candid body camera: Ride in ICE vehicles. Who’s first to spot promising targets like grocery stores and elementary schools? Who laughs loudest at jokes about how many bullets were pumped into the day care teacher in Chicago or the nurse in Minneapolis?
MAPA would surely revitalize the MAGA base, and Republican donors eager to curry favor would buy big, beautiful ads, the likes of which the world has never seen. More than any show in the history of television, of advertising really, when you think about it. Make your head spin.
What? You don’t want MAPA?
Well then, ask not what you can do to merely avoid America’s current Reign of Hate. Ask what you can do to stop it.
Take aim at Jack Garvey of Newbury at hammlynn@gmail.com or at/buskersdelight.home.blog/.