Chances are, I haven’t met you. But I bet I can make a few predictions about your New Year’s resolutions. Human nature is often predictable. Most of us will look back on the past year, searching for areas where we can better ourselves. We choose an area to tackle and resolve to make changes. We promise to make no excuses – this time. We vow to be more disciplined than last year.
I often see people frame their goals in a punitive way: “I need to stop wasting time.” “I have to push myself harder at the gym.” “I must stop eating sugar completely.” There is a misconception that if one suffers enough, they will become better. The truth is, motivation rarely works that way, and this mindset might be the biggest predictor of why resolutions fail.
When we examine our resolutions more closely, we typically find a deeper – and often positive – intention behind them. For example, people don’t resolve to eat better just to follow a rule they made on Jan. 1. There is usually a personal reason at play. One person might want to eat better to be healthier or more confident. Another might want to support a partner’s medically prescribed diet or set a better nutritional example for their children. Perhaps the impetus is to run more marathons in the coming year. Whatever the motivation, it is this deeper intention that supports long-term changes in behavior and adherence.
When we frame our resolution in a positive way, the behavior is more sustainable. When the resolution feels like punishment, burnout is often the result. If, like me, you have ever abandoned a punishing resolution by mid-January or early February, you know how a small setback can snowball. A moment of indulgence can turn a resolution to save more money into a wild shopping spree. A missed jog can transform a commitment to weekend runs into a couch-potato marathon. When our brain feels scolded, it often resists, even when we are the ones doing the scolding.
Positive psychology asks us to start from a place of strength, not deficiency. Before planning for 2026, pause and take note of 2025. What went well? What did you learn? What should you keep doing? What relationships strengthened you? When did you feel confident, connected, productive, peaceful or happy? What do you like about yourself? What practices and behaviors helped create the positive moments you most remember?
The positives of 2025 are not achievements to simply check off and forget. They are powerful starting points for 2026. Be kind to the version of yourself that did its best last year and begin making decisions that support that version in the year ahead. Kindness is not indulgent; it is stabilizing. The goal for 2026 is steady progress rooted in your values, strengths, talents and well being.
Kind resolutions sound different than traditional resolutions. They are not assaultive. They do not put conditions on your worth. They do not assume improvement must come from suffering. If you want to address a fault or weakness, start with a strength or healthy behavior you already possess and build from there. See how far kindness can take you.
If 2025 left you feeling overwhelmed, drained or more emotionally reactive than you wanted, consider those feelings warning signals. Burnout often comes from living out of sync with your values. You may need a realignment, not a reinvention. Are you overcommitting to roles that don’t nourish you? Are you chasing achievements that do not bring contentment? What boundaries need to be clearer? Which relationships or routines energized you and deserve greater priority?
Before the ball drops and you are faced with the inevitable resolution question, ask yourself: What is my resolution? What is the real intention behind it? Is it kind?
I wish you and yours a very happy and healthy New Year!
David R. Bowman, MD, CHCQM, chairs the Department of Psychiatry for Anna Jaques, Beverly, Addison Gilbert and Bay Ridge Hospitals and the regional medical director of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health Services for Beth Israel Lahey Health Medical Group.