Able-bodied readers of this column often ask me to write about human sexuality. I’ve written a few columns specifically on the subject, but not recently. There are four reasons for this: First, I deeply respect my private, intimate life with my husband. Second, the requests often feel a bit voyeuristic. Third, I’m not entirely sure what readers want to know. They often lead with the question “Can people with disabilities have sex?” A simple “Yes” answer doesn’t make a column. When I inquire more deeply as to what they really want to know, they can’t tell me. Somewhere in their question, I sense they think sexuality for persons with disabilities is uniquely different than for the able-bodied. In most ways it’s not.
And fourth, this is a vast subject. It’s hard to cover a lot in a 550-word column, so this is Part One.
I’ve taught human sexuality at the college and university level for the past 38 years. On the first day of class, I ask my students for their definition of human sexuality. Most of the responses feature physical sexual acts. Quickly, I show them the narrowness of such a definition. In our course, sexuality is defined as encompassing procreation, recreation and relationships. Perhaps those three aspects are a good place for me to talk about sexuality and disability. The key point I want to make in this piece, is that every person is a sexual being. That includes the very young, old and people with disabilities and health issues. Life as a sexual being has nothing to do with whether a person has a partner or engages in sexual physical acts. The Declaration of Sexual Rights was first proclaimed at the 13th World Congress of Sexology in Valencia in 1997. Sixteen different sexual rights are outlined including the right to autonomy and bodily integrity and the right to privacy, information and the right to the highest attainable standard of health, including sexual health; with the possibility of pleasurable, satisfying, and safe sexual experiences.
Many people with disabilities, of procreation age, can become pregnant and impregnate. For biological females, the greater difficulty is in finding a healthcare team that is informed and supportive. Today, more books, articles and videos on the subject are created by persons with varied disabilities who have become biological parents.
For biological males, medical interventions can assist with both erections and ejaculation including sperm extraction from the testes.
Persons with disabilities wanting to prevent pregnancy need information about contraception. For me, it was difficult to find doctors who didn’t automatically label me as a high-risk pregnancy. Genetic counselors told me I was more at risk for having a child with Down Syndrome. I wasn’t. And, one genetic counselor was shocked when my husband and I told her if that happened, we wouldn’t terminate the pregnancy. A highly recommended obstetrician asked my husband “Why would you want to do a thing like that to her?” Other doctors thought I should be sterilized. Eventually, we found knowledgeable, supportive experts. We met other couples with disabilities who became pregnant and had children.