Dear Annie: I’m 28 and live in a two-bedroom apartment in Washington state with my friend “Jess.” She’s an excellent roommate — clean, considerate, quiet. I know I’m lucky. But there’s one thing driving me crazy: the thermostat. She works from home and keeps the heat cranked to nearly 80 degrees! When I get home from the office, I start sweating before I’ve even taken my shoes off.
I run hot and prefer the apartment on the chillier side, especially at night. Jess and I get along on almost everything else, but this has become a daily annoyance. We haven’t talked about it, but we both just keep nudging the thermostat up or down.
How do we fix this without it turning into a real fight?
— Sweating It Out
Dear Sweating It Out: You don’t need to “win” the thermostat war; just split the territory. Agree on a shared daytime temperature you can both tolerate. Beyond that, there are ways you can each handle your own rooms: a space heater for her and a fan or lighter blankets for your room at night. It beats losing a good roommate over a few degrees.
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Dear Annie: We recently moved to a small town. Our neighbor is a 60-plus widowed woman who lives with her dog. She’s very nosy and gossipy, jumps to conclusions and shares other neighbors’ personal matters without having all the facts or realizing it’s no one’s business. She’s exhausting to be around and constantly interrupts.
One time, I wasn’t feeling well, and when she asked if I needed anything, I asked if she wouldn’t mind picking up orange juice. Next thing I knew, she’d posted on Facebook that she hoped I was feeling better and was glad she was there for me in my time of need. It annoyed me that she had to let everyone know what she did for me on such a public platform.
I try to tell her I’m busy, and when I know she’s at my door, I ignore her, but she’ll knock for almost half an hour. I’ve tried explaining that although I work from home, I’m still working, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
We dread running into her so much that we moved our P.O. box to the next town, and I even switched gyms. I find myself lying to her because I know whatever I say will be repeated and most likely taken out of context.
How do I deal with her? I try to be firm, but it doesn’t seem to work. She’s very excitable and doesn’t listen. My husband believes she’s lonely and trying to be relevant. I’m at my wits’ end.
— Mrs. Kravitz Next Door
Dear Mrs. Kravitz: Your husband may be right that she’s lonely, and a little kindness toward her costs you nothing. But kindness and availability are two different things.
You’ve already changed your P.O. box and your gym; don’t let her run you out of town next. You say you’ve tried being firm. Be pleasant but even more direct: “I can’t talk right now. I’m working.” “Please don’t post about me on social media.” “I’d rather keep that private.” No more explanations or apologies.
You don’t have to be unfriendly, just consistent. A neighbor is entitled to a wave and a hello, not a half-hour of your day.