There are few subjects which have received more ink, more music notes, or more movie reels than the theme of love. The 2024 Valentine celebration had an economic value of $25.8 billion. That surely suggests a remarkable interest in the subject of love! Despite our fascination with love, and our desire to love and be loved, there are few subjects which are more misunderstood. This misunderstanding too often leads to heartbreak, a divorce rate at 50% and untold human suffering. While true love is necessary for humans to flourish, we seem to need a more accurate understanding of the concept.
The simple notion that God is love (1 John 4:8) as a stand-alone statement is not very helpful to our understanding of the topic of love. If we understand that Christ is God (Colossians 2:9) then we can learn about God’s love from Christ. In 1 John 3:16 we learn this about Christ and love.
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus lay down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”
Now that is a very specific and helpful statement for us to learn about love. A simple restatement would read; love is doing what’s best for another person, regardless of the personal cost to myself. Love is intended by God to be a commitment to another’s best interest. We now see that love as God defines it has sacrifice at the core.
Unfortunately, our cultural definition centers around not sacrificial giving, but rather a self-serving getting — specifically, getting the feeling of “love.” Feelings are fickle to the situation and how we view it. This leads to the common cultural “falling in” and “falling out” of love as our feelings change. The Christ-like love we are called to exhibit is a decision to give, not the receipt of an emotional feeling.
Recall that marriage vows are not about feelings, but rather a commitment. We commit “for better or for worse until death do we part.” It is called a vow, because we are committing to love for even the days we don’t feel loved or feel like showing love. Feelings are not the issue.
Granted, there are human emotions like infatuation and eros. These emotions are the caboose to the commitment for what is best for another, not the driving engine. The feeling must be kept in check by what is best for the other person. Imagine the emotion of love for a child; these feelings must be subservient to what is best for the child. Relationships are not to be manipulated for my getting, but for my doing what is best for the other. This is Christ’s call to love everyone, even those for whom we do not feel love.
Another point of cultural confusion worth noting is what defines the opposite of love. Many will say hatred. However, the opposite of Christ-like sacrificial love is not hate, but rather a self-love otherwise known as selfishness. Recall the definition of love; doing what’s best for another person regardless of the cost to myself. The opposite idea would be doing what’s best for myself, regardless of the cost to you. Hence the opposite of love is actually selfishness. Selfishness or the lack of love for another, while more subtle than hatred, is equally destructive.
How could I ever love so sacrificially? It gets even harder; the Bible calls us to love in this sacrificial fashion not just our spouse, but also our children, our neighbor and even our enemy. Humanly impossible is accurate; it can only begin to happen when the God of love inhabits and begins to renew the desires of our heart. This heart rebirth of Christianity is Christ himself, the perfect lover, empowering us from the inside out to begin to see others differently, lovingly!