METHUEN — On the ground floor of a church on St. Patricks’ Day kids chase each other, adults look on bemused and green balloons accent the small gathering.
The event marks the holiday, naturally, but celebration is not what brings them together. Instead, they are bonded in grief and pain for the lost, though today is different from the usual group sessions filled with hugs and tears.
Today is about ping pong, and Connect Four, shepard’s pie and strings of little pieces of green plastic.
The Grieving Youth and Families Of The Merrimack Valley, a support group and nonprofit, was founded a few months ago by Leslie Martinez, 52, who lost her son, 17, to violence many years ago. They operate out of the St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, 90 Broadway.
“My son was murdered by his best friend,” said Martinez.
Back then, the grieving mother had no support to cling to and an early attempt to start a group failed.
“We had a group of grieving parents, but everybody did their own thing,” she said. “I gave up for a long time.”
That was until tragedy struck again in her family when her grandchildren lost their mother.
“Watching them go through that pain; it broke my heart,” she said.
So she tried again, this time with her children, and together they found a small but loyal group. Members have lost brothers, grandparents, pets and others in their lives.
The weekly sessions run from about 15 minutes to an hour and are followed by crafts, games and other activities.
“It’s a lot of pain, but it’s beautiful at the same time,” she said. “It makes it easier.”
The gathering is small but intimate. Conversations on St. Patricks Day are punctuated by the shouts of some youngsters, while others prefer to hang back. Hugs are common.
“I feel like I have another family here,” Giselle Esquilin, 37, who lost a grandparent and comes from Kingston, New Hampshire, to attend the meetings, said.
Another kid hands out glow-in-the-dark bracelets wordlessly.
Sara Alvarado, 35, has lost her grandmother, aunt and two brothers. Time, she said, does not heal grief.
“It gives you time to adapt to the new version of you,” she said.
Alvarado lost her brothers at a young age and performed CPR on her grandmother — the woman who had raised her — before her death.
“I was (like) them at some point,” she said, pointing to the kids running about. “Even as adults, we don’t know how to cope with loss.”
In the group, however, she said she feels safe and no longer alone.
It’s not all about the loss of people though, the group recognizes grief also comes with the loss of pets too — from cats to fish.
“I’ve had many family members pass away,” Patricia Stronach, who declined to give her age, said.
She recently suffered the loss of her cat Scrappy, 20, a yellow tabby.
“He was like my boyfriend,” she said. “He was more devoted than some people.”
Here she has found a friendly, compassionate group.
The group is a mix of all ages though almost entirely female. Alvarado said she hopes more men will fight stigmas to one day attend.
Kamil Valoy Castillo, 18, who attends Northern Essex Community College but plans to transfer to UMass Lowell where she will take an accelerated program on her path to be a lawyer, said the group offers relief.
“I feel like I can get a sense of peace when I come here,” Valoy Castillo, 18, said. “You really find true connections.”
Valoy Castillo lost her great grandmother, who was an integral part of her childhood.
“We called her ‘Mama mentas,’” Valoy Castillo said. “She had this whole closet full of different kinds of mints.”
In Dominican culture, she explained, mints can have many different tastes besides the eponymous flavor, like strawberry.
“She had this little park in front of her apartment; all the grandkids would gather there,” she said.
Valoy Castillo was also impacted by the death of her grandmother’s sister.
“She taught me that you really have to look after yourself,” said Valoy Castillo. “She went through a lot but she really showed what resilience means.”
For Martinez, the grief over the loss of her son will never go away.
“I miss his smile,” she said. “I miss his hugs, his Teddy Bear hugs.”
Martinez said her son had a habit of wearing a new T-shirt every day.
“No matter what I do it will never fill up the empty space in my heart,” said Martinez.
But the sessions keep her grounded living in the present.
“It keeps me here,” she said. “I am not going to give up.”
For more information on the Grieving Youth and Families Of The Merrimack Valley visit their Facebook page here: facebook.com/profile.php?id=61567281711592