Dear Abby: My sister passed away from cancer seven years ago. Her daughter and I have always been close — doing things together, going on trips, etc. Four years ago, she started dating a guy who thinks he’s better than everyone. I have met him but have yet to meet the rest of his family. She always comes up with some excuse.
This past weekend she told me they were going somewhere special so he could propose, and he wanted to borrow a ring he had already given her (which I thought was odd). Then I saw on Facebook that his entire family was there for that special moment, but I wasn’t invited.
I am heartbroken. If he planned it and didn’t ask me, that’s being a jerk. But my niece knowing about it and excluding me is a different story. I’m hurt and angry. I don’t know what to say to her at this point. I feel she’s ashamed of or embarrassed by me because I don’t drive a fancy car. — Overlooked Aunt in Virginia
Dear Aunt: You state that your niece’s boyfriend thinks he is “better than everyone” and you suspect you were excluded from the engagement event because you are not as wealthy as the family he comes from. But if he couldn’t afford to buy your niece an engagement ring and needed to borrow one he had already given her, you may be overestimating his net worth.
I can’t blame you for feeling the way you do, and please realize you have every right to express those feelings to the thoughtless niece you befriended.
Dear Abby: My husband is brilliant, classy, faithful, a great father and handsome at 46, with not even a wrinkle. He’s been in a financial rut for about a decade and has let himself go. I respect him, but when I try to help him look better, he says, “I don’t care. Go ahead and leave me,” which I think is very immature.
I am becoming resentful because I’ve been with him for so long and have contributed 50% to our finances and 100% to his dreams as he has moved us around the USA. I’m 42 and beginning to find younger men attractive. While I’d never cheat, I can’t help but miss the man I fantasize about in my dreams. It’s hurtful that he doesn’t care. People think he’s my father when they meet him. Please help. — Missing the real him
Dear Missing: Has it occurred to you that when a brilliant, classy, faithful, handsome 46-year-old man who has been “in a rut” for the last 10 years lets his appearance go, he may be depressed? Rather than a physical makeover, he may need a mental one. Tell him you love him, that you are worried about his physical and mental health, and try to convince him to tell his doctor how he’s feeling. If you do, it may be the answer to your problem.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.