The holidays had already ended when I realized that I’d gone through the entire season without adhering to the protocol of tipping.
To be fair, there is only a protocol if you are the kind of person who has a standing appointment with a hair stylist, a personal trainer, and a personal dog walker you aren’t related to. I know this because I saw a list (after Christmas) of who to tip and how much.
After reading the list, I was able to sigh with relief when I reached the bottom. Since I get my hair trimmed twice a year, walk the dogs myself (even though someone I’m married to swore he’d walk HIS dog every single day, a promise that evaporated 10 seconds after Rocky joined the family) and if I could afford a personal trainer I would haven’t one because I’d rather spend the money on something pleasant instead of on someone who most likely would remind me of the mean gym teachers from my junior high days.
We did tip the letter carrier and newspaper delivery person but since those are the only two services we get on a regular basis, the rest of the list wasn’t applicable, thankfully.
The tipping list reminded me that there are definite perks to not being part of a higher tax bracket. A lot is expected of people with big bucks. I’m sure they’re at the top of every call list of all the charities and if they don’t cough up a decent donation, I am guessing their rich friends raise well-groomed eyebrows when it’s time to go over the books.
Then there are vacations. We all assume wealthy folks will take fabulous vacations while the rest of us are lucky to have a weekend at the Wisconsin Dells — and not at one of your fancier water parks. By not having the money to go anywhere, we are saving ourselves tons of travel-related stress.
Added bonus: no one asks to see pictures of our vacations, so no one ever sees photos of you in your bathing suit. I bet rich people get tired of showing pictures of their trips to Belize and Nova Scotia when they could be spending that time working out with their personal gym teacher.
Another expectation of the rich is that they’re supposed to look better than your average Joe all the time. I remember how Howard Hughes was criticized for wearing wrinkled suits and having dandruff, the unspoken sentiment being that with the kind of money HH had, he owed it to the rest of the world to look suave 24/7.
Rich people are also expected to have their houses, pets and children looking comme il faut around the clock too. I personally have enough issues making sure I remember to put on clothes instead of heading out of the house in my bathrobe without worrying if the spouse/kids/pets all combed their hair.
Another downside to being rich is that if you don’t buy high-end groceries, your peers might talk about you at the country club. Not yummy high-end treats such as filet mignon and lobster, but items that don’t taste so wonderful, like organic kale and goat milk.
See how lucky most of us are not to be filthy rich? Our lives are far simpler and probably more enjoyable since we can only afford gas station coffee and a glazed donut.
And back to tipping, when we DO tip, we can make it a good one since we aren’t tipping twenty people, just one or two.
So, if you’re not in the top 10 percent of income earners, count your blessings. No one cares what we wear, who walks our dogs or what we’re having for dinner. Well, no one but our immediate family and in the end, they’re the only ones who truly count.
Nell Musolf is a freelance writer based in Mankato. She can be reached at nmusolf@gmail.com.