Years ago, a contest was run for the most boring newspaper headline. The winner was “Worthwhile Canadian Initiative,” which appeared in the April 10, 1986, edition of The New York Times. “Worthwhile initiative” is a snooze-worthy phrase. Adding a reference to the quiet and restrained country to the north was seen as draining the last ounce of blood out of the header.
Canada has since become a news flash as it punches back on Donald Trump’s attacks on its economy and insults to its dignity. Or as they say in hockey, “Sticks up.”
Why Trump is heaping all this malice on the country that’s our biggest export market and closest friend can’t be explained other than as a sick need to sow chaos and pain. Not even tumbling U.S. stock prices, growing recession fears and paralyzed consumers have made him pull back from his trade war. Temporary “disturbance,” my foot.
The U.S. is the big boy on the North American block, and the Canadian economy is largely dependent on it. That makes Canada an easy target for a bully needing to feed his toxic anger.
And what about America’s interests? The benefits flow both ways, and Canadians know they hold some of the cards. For example, American farmers depend on potash for fertilizer, 80% of which comes from Canada. And the new prime minister, Mark Carney, is now reconsidering Canada’s contract with Lockheed Martin.
There’s one Canadian import that many of us would love to have: Doug Ford. Built like a defensive lineman and a brawler in the American political style, the premier of Ontario isn’t about to take abuse from Trump.
Ford greeted Trump’s 25% tariff with a 25% surcharge on the energy that Canada sends to New York, Michigan and Minnesota. That provoked Trump to raise tariffs on Canadian metals to 50%. As stock markets headed toward a nervous breakdown, both backed off.
But Ontario store shelves have been cleaned of U.S. liquor. And the province canceled a $100 million contract with Elon Musk’s Starlink.
A Canadian journalist asked Ford how far he’d go in brinkmanship with the colossus to the south. “Will you really turn out the lights?” the reporter asked.
“Don’t think I won’t,” Ford answered.
Yet Ford, who lived for several years in the United States, routinely prefaces his statements with expressions of love for Americans. The guy really knows how to do U.S. politics. Less-populist Canadian officials, meanwhile, are adding calmer responses. Their level-headed arguments contrast nicely with Trumpian lunacy.
And no, Canada is not going to become the 51st state.
For all of Trump’s howls about Canadian dairy imports, it happens that the U.S. sends more than three times the dollar value of dairy products to Canada as Canadians send here.
Then there is tourism. Canadians who flock annually to Florida are skipping those travels. The Canadian boycott has emptied the hotels of Ogunquit, Maine, and threatens to badly hurt Myrtle Beach, whose economy Canadians buoyed during the winter months. For 60 years, the Lions Club in the South Carolina beach town has sponsored “Can-Am Days” to welcome Lions from Canada. They’d pass out maple leaf cookies and pins linking the flags of South Carolina and Canada.
The truth is that most Americans greatly like Canadians, especially along the northern border, and Canadians know it. For example, International Falls up at the top of Minnesota is tied by the wrists and ankles to Fort Frances, right across the Rainy River in Ontario.
Sticks up, Canada. Keep up the resistance to Trump’s feral and, frankly, lunatic assaults on both your economy and your honor. And know this: You are not boring, not boring at all.